


Birthdays

by chronicDevil (chronicAngel)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Sex, Multi, POV Second Person, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27819100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicAngel/pseuds/chronicDevil
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider and you just walked in on your boyfriend fucking your girlfriend.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley/Dave Strider, Jade Harley/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 49





	Birthdays

Your name is Dave Strider and you just walked in on your boyfriend fucking your girlfriend.

Well, that’s not quite accurate. They are not having sex yet, but you’ve just walked in on your girlfriend in your boyfriend’s lap, his weird alien dick in her dainty human hand and his mouth on her neck and _fuck_ , he’s leaving marks right where you like to leave them and jealousy churns in your gut. You have always known that the two of them sleep together, this is not a secret, just like they both know you sleep with the other. Your relationship is non-traditional for a human (it’s not even really normal for a troll) and you’re still adjusting to parts of it, and well, you’ve never _seen_ them together before. The jealousy does not surprise you. The fact that it’s kind of turning you on a little bit does.

You would expect them to scramble apart when you walked in. Jade always scrambles away from you when Karkat walks in on the two of you, mortified at having been caught in the act like it was supposed to be a secret that sometimes you and your girlfriend fuck. Karkat has never had the opportunity to scramble away in the first place because Jade’s got a lot more manners than either of the two of you, which is funny considering she was raised entirely separately from society.

But they do not separate. Karkat trails to another spot on Jade’s neck to bite her there, giving you a nice view of the bruise he’d left on the other spot, and Jade lets out a little moan, and your stomach does a little flip flop and suddenly your pants are starting to feel a lot tighter. You’re not sure which one of them you want to project onto or if maybe, in this moment, you’d just like to be Dave Strider watching your boyfriend and girlfriend get dirty with each other. Is that so wrong?

You drop the bags you were holding on the floor with a thin, shitty plastic Walmart bag crinkle. Neither of them looks in your direction, and you wonder if it’s because they’re caught up in this game of teasing you by teasing each other, or if they’re just actually so into each other that they don’t notice. You’re not sure which thought is hotter. You also wonder if this is a birthday present from Karkat to Jade because it’s her birthday today (the Walmart bags contained boxes of Betty Crocker cake mix you will all agree to never tell John about, two funfetti for her and two yellow for you) or a present from Karkat and Jade to you because it’s your birthday in two days. You wonder if it can be both.

They don’t say anything to you as you walk up to the couch, but as much as you love Karkat he is not an impressive actor. He looks up at you for a moment with one of the most intensely lust-filled gazes you have ever seen and if your dick wasn’t standing fully at attention before it definitely is now, but that look is not for you. He looks back down at Jade a moment later.

You can’t really blame him. You could look at Jade forever, probably. Right now she is still fully dressed, or at least as dressed as you would hypothesize she was when they went into this situation. You’re very familiar with the “pajama and cuddles escalates” routine because that’s always how it is with either of them, frankly it’s impressive that your dick hasn’t just fallen off between the two of them. Jade steals your shirts because you’re the tallest of your trio and she likes the way that they hang down to her thighs, and she steals Karkat’s boxers because he has the flattest ass of your trio and thus the fabric of his boxers hugs her ass much more tightly than yours would.

Even though she is still dressed, that does not mean that you can’t see anything. For one, you can see the small damp patch in the crotch of the boxers, and you wonder how long they’ve been at this. Jade always gets wet fast, but not _that_ wet _that_ fast. She really wants to get fucked right now. That thought, as with all of the thoughts you’ve had since you’ve entered your shared apartment, goes straight to your boner. For two, you can plainly see her hard nipples through your t-shirt, because you don’t think that Jade Harley has ever worn a bra if she didn’t have to. There are large wet patches over her chest from her wet hair, and you guess she must have showered while you were out.

Karkat notices her nipples shortly after you do, and then you are treated to the sight of him sliding the shirt up enough that her breasts practically fucking bounce out of it, Jesus _shit_ , and then ducks his face down to take one of them in his mouth. You want desperately to take the other one, but this moment is not about you even if it is, maybe, for you. But still… Jade does not exactly have huge boobs. She doesn’t even really have medium-sized boobs. She’s pretty small, and even though _you_ think it’s cute, you love every inch of this woman, you know that she is insecure about it. The point is that you always have to pull her shirt up in a certain way to get them to bounce like that, especially when she’s wearing one of _your_ shirts which are way too big for her. If this wasn’t for you before, it certainly is now. They’re putting on a show.

You feel at a distinct disadvantage here. The both of them are down to just boxers and t-shirts-- notably, they’re _both_ wearing your shirts, and maybe you’re a bad boyfriend for it but you hadn’t noticed that Karkat is wearing one of yours, too, until now because you were a little bit distracted ogling the hot girl he’s feeling up. You think he’ll find it in his heart to forgive you. Meanwhile, you’re still wearing the jeans that you had to put on at the store because of the law or some shit, and they’re starting to chafe.

You remedy that fairly quickly. When you’re dating two people who have sex drives off the fucking charts you learn to get pants off pretty quickly, although you also learn not to wear pants when you don’t have to in the first place.

They both freeze for a moment when your pants come off, looking over at you with wide eyes and giving you the first real look at their faces. Their lips are both kiss-swollen which at least tells you that they’ve probably been making out for a while before you got here. Karkat’s got that red puffiness like he’s been crying, but that doesn’t surprise you because if you take a moment to observe your environment you’ll notice one of his shitty romcoms paused on the TV and really it’s no wonder that Jade started kissing him to get him to turn the thing off. You wish you’d come up with that strategy. Would’ve saved you a lot of romcoms and scored you a lot more sweet alien tentadick.

“Well, don’t let me stop you,” you murmur, and your cheeks actually flush as you do. It’s embarrassing, admitting that you’re into this.

They don’t take any time to make fun of you though. Karkat looks back at Jade and pushes the shirt the rest of the way off, tossing it over by your feet which sends a little shudder up your spine and a shock of pleased _something_ through the rest of you. You and Karkat both have basically the same reaction, which is to pull back for a moment, center yourself, and really _observe_ your shared girlfriend’s tits. You know that she hates it, and you’d probably stop if you didn’t fucking love them so much. Honestly on the scale of boobs they’re pretty normal. They’re B-cups, which means that they basically fit perfectly in the palms of your hands, and they’ve still got barely-there hickeys from the last time you had sex a few days ago, and her nipples are a slightly darker brown than the rest of her and standing at attention almost as fiercely as your dick, but sorry, Jade, that competition is definitely won. First place locked in.

When you’re the one with Jade in your lap and you’ve just gotten her shirt off, your first instinct is to start biting and sucking as many marks all over her chest as you can before she gets impatient and pulls you up to kiss her proper again. Karkat’s first instinct seems to be to dip down and start pressing kisses all against her skin, and you can see the goosebumps prickle up on her arms and it does _something_ to you for sure. If you listen close, and you are in fact listening _very_ close, you can hear the way her breath hitches as well as the soft praises and “I love you”s that Karkat is murmuring into her skin. Her cheeks are flushed, his cheeks are flushed, your cheeks are flushed, you think this room is probably a million degrees. You’d go outside and face the early December weather to cool off if you were willing to miss a single second of this, but that’s not the case so you stay put. You grew up in Texas, you can deal for a while.

She’s only willing to put up with the sweet murmurings a little bit longer than she is your rough approach, and then she buries a hand in his hair and pulls him up to kiss her and you can see, just barely, her teeth hooking on his lower lip to suck it into her mouth. As much as Jade _claims_ to like sweet shit, she loses her patience with it pretty quick. For your anniversary you tried to do that romcom cliché shit, which probably would’ve gone more appreciated by Karkat now that you’re thinking about it with your logic brain (he’d actually helped you set it up), with rose petals in the bed and candles and this playlist you actually spent a really long time on, and what were you rewarded with? Your girlfriend, pinning you down, riding you for two hours.

The thought that this might go on for two hours makes your knees buckle underneath you and you toss a hand out in front of you to keep from falling on your ass, and it lands on the arm of the couch behind them, one of your knees hitting the edge of the cushion. They look at you again. Jade’s got that little smile she gets when you do something un-smooth during your own sex, where she’s clearly so fond of you and trying not to laugh so you don’t feel bad like you could ever worry that this girl was gonna not sleep with you. Karkat’s got that little grimace that he gets when you do something un-smooth during your own sex, where he clearly worries that a moment of imperfection will ruin and subsequently end the whole thing.

“Sorry, don’t mind me. Keep going, I’m just gonna…” You cough somewhat awkwardly, and you situate yourself on the couch cushion behind them. If Jade were to slide back out of Karkat’s lap she’d be sitting right in yours and you think this is definitely the perfect proximity.

Karkat opens his mouth as though to protest, either because your being this close is basically ruining their teasing of you or because what you just did was basically so awkward and uncool and unsexy that he’s not in the mood anymore (this has never been true, but he’s disrupted sex with you on principle many times as though it were), but he doesn’t get any words out because Jade’s hand is still in his hair and she pulls him to kiss her again. That’s not even the hand you’re concerned with, though, because as it turns out her _other_ hand is still on Karkat’s bulge and the end of his stupid tentadick is curled around her fingers and coiling like a snake in a breeding ball and that shouldn’t be hot, that imagery that you just created is basically the least sexy thing on earth, except he’s dribbling the troll equivalent of precum which is basically the size of an entire human load and this viscous red fluid that looks like a particularly liquidy jelly or a particularly thick syrup which should be gross, you should find that disgusting, you are such a weird fucking human.

You want his weird alien cum all over your fingers and it would be so easy to just reach out and touch him, you’d just have to angle your arm around Jade and maybe that would be a little awkward but then you’d be touching him, but there’s still something in you that finds it kind of hotter not to. Maybe it is fucked up but also maybe everything about your relationship is fucked up, and there’s something fun and naughty (fun and naughty? What are you, 14?) about this idea that you are an observer, an intruder who is not supposed to be here, who is watching anyway.

It appears that while you were getting lost in thought, one or both of them was getting impatient. Last time you were looking at them, Jade still had her boxers on, but now you have a nice view of her bare crotch, of the way her vaginal lubrication (it sounds overly clinical to you, but she’s vetoed all your other terms for it) literally smears on her thighs and is all up in her pubes.

Your girlfriend is soaking wet. Your girlfriend is always soaking wet, you think that no other female on earth gets as wet as Jade Harley, probably, it is almost insane. The first couple of times you had had sex, when you were still figuring things out, you know that it wasn’t very good for her, actually, because at a certain point it’s basically like a fucking slip-n-slide and there’s no friction involved at all for her, and then you decided to try raw-dogging it to re-introduce friction and you heard her moan your name for the first time and you have not used a condom since then. Cumming on her stomach is not as nice as being able to thrust into her and fill up a condom but it is worth it to get your girlfriend off.

You would really like to be fucking her now, you think, and you’re starting to wonder if this is teasing or if it’s entered a territory of bizarre sexual torture because you want to be fucking both of them so bad. Karkat’s dick is big and throbbing and covered in his alien jizz slime that makes it easier for his dick to slide into you than spreading butter on toast and Jade’s starting to drip ~~girlcum~~ vaginal lubricant onto your fucking couch and it’ll probably leave a permanent stain, a mark for that time your boyfriend fucked your girlfriend on the couch on her birthday, and Jesus would you like to be sandwiched between them.

Jade removes her hand from his bulge and it immediately starts squirming in protest and you sometimes wonder if Karkat actually has control of that thing or if it’s like when octopodes (you know the proper plural of octopus, you’re fucking smart and awesome and maybe Rose corrected you a few weeks ago and you’re still sort of touchy about it) get a tentacle cut off and it still just keeps writhing around mindlessly. Either way it’s got your guts twisting up, and Karkat wraps an arm around Jade’s back to start gently leaning her back. If you hadn’t sat behind her then she’d be on the arm of the couch, but with you where you are suddenly your dick is squished between her back and your stomach, still trapped in boxers.

Whether his bulge has a mind of its own or not, Karkat and it seem to align themselves well enough that they get the same goal in mind, and it straightens out to its full length which certainly has your breath catching in your throat. Based on Karkat’s general insecurity the first couple of times you had sex, you imagine that he’s relatively small for a troll-- he’s the only one you’ve slept with, so you can’t weigh in on the average. But he’s six inches long which is bigger than average for a human dick, and a human dick also isn’t even prehensile.

Jade arches her back when Karkat thrusts in and it leaves you both moaning. They manage to ignore you this time, which you’re grateful for. You take the opportunity, as long as she’s all arched up like that, to pointedly ignore the little “o” that her mouth falls into in favor of peeling your boxers away from your dick, and you only have enough time or space to push them down to your thighs but when she falls back it’s her bare skin against your dick and you could fucking cry.

There’s no friction on your end, not really. Jade’s back barely rubs against you as Karkat thrusts into her-- her whole body moves just slightly with his motions but it’s not enough, _not enough_ , and you’re panting for more just as much as she is if not more. Still, the sounds of her panting and moaning in front of you, the look of determination on Karkat’s face with his cheeks flushed red and his eyes locked on Jade’s face, they’re having effects on you. You’re used to Jade being a loud moaning mess, she’s always been vocal and you don’t know what you did to deserve it, but you’re not used to how eerily _quiet_ Karkat’s being. You’re used to him melting into a puddle under you and mewling and crying your name just as much as she does, or else grunting low in your ear while he thrusts into you, but with Jade he’s just _watching_ her almost like a predator preparing to eat her up and that’s _doing something_ to you.

You want him to look at you like that. You want to be devoured.

You are not surprised that Jade is cumming after what feels like only a few minutes. (Forget “feels like,” you _know_ it is three minutes. Time is a part of you and will always be a part of you and you’ve basically accepted that at this point.) You have never dated a human dude but you know that Karkat has ruined the possibility for you, that even if he was the nicest guy on Earth and you really did love him you’d probably always be disappointed in the sex. Frankly you’re just amazed and enthused that sex with Karkat has not, thus far, ruined sex with you for Jade because you’d be pretty bummed if she didn’t sleep with you anymore. Point is that Karkat’s very good at sex. You privately think it is probably the tentacle, but you’ll die before telling Rose this.

You are surprised that Karkat does not stop. Whenever you finish before him, he always stops immediately, presses sweet little kisses against your chest and shoulders and cheeks and tells you how lovely you are and how good you did and talks you up with sweet words and affection until you’ve caught your breath enough to go again. With Jade he just continues to pound mercilessly into her, enough that if you didn’t know any better you’d wonder if this was some sort of caliginous thing for him.

Jade is still moaning and crying out and gasping under him, probably overstimulated at this point. Honestly you’re starting to worry about her a little bit. You know from experience that an orgasm being drawn out for too long can become painful and you may like to play rough but you don’t want that for her.

But after a minute Karkat grunts and his whole body freezes and you can see his shoulders shuddering and it’s all very familiar. You know what it looks like when Karkat is cumming because you’ve seen it a million times before. He drops his face down to Jade’s shoulder because you suppose he cannot maintain his dominant facade when he’s literally cumming inside of her and suddenly your eyes go wide and they drop down to look at where your boyfriend is pressed up inside of your girlfriend and he’s pumped a big enough load into her that it’s like some sort of shitty hentai or something, images like that should not be real and yet are permanently burned into your brain because there is literally cum trying to escape from her around your boyfriend’s dick and oh fuck you’re cumming. Your hips rut up against Jade’s back a couple of times and you’d feel embarrassed but you’re not, at all, that was basically the hottest thing you’ve ever fucking seen, and then you are cumming harder than you’ve ever came before. You do not produce nearly as much cum as Karkat but it doesn’t make you feel inadequate like it might have in a weird way when you were a teenager because you are not a member of an alien species that has to jizz enough to fill a bucket.

You are suddenly hit with an awareness that your girlfriend is covered in cum, yours on her back and your boyfriend’s inside of her and spilling out onto her thighs and the couch the minute he’s pulled out and her own in the same places as his and if you didn’t literally just orgasm you’d probably be at full mast again. You dare not look down to actually see the real slurry of her and him in front of you lest this night never end.

“I love you,” Karkat finally murmurs after a minute, still breathing hard. He is looking so intently at Jade’s face that it would be easy to believe that he forgot that you were here for a moment, but then he looks up at you and his gaze is just as intense and loving that your heart melts a little bit. “Both of you,” he adds, in case the message wasn’t clear just from the way his red eyes bore into yours.

“I love you too,” you say, and your voice cracks like you really are 14 and your cheeks would flush if they hadn’t already been flushed for several minutes now. You lean down to Jade’s ear and press your lips against it in a sort of half-kiss before you murmur lowly, “Happy birthday.”

She gives an airy laugh back, like she’s still floating at the top of the world, and that’s almost response enough. You love her, love everything about her including her breathless post-sex giggles even, apparently, when you are not the one she was having sex with. “Happy early birthday,” she replies, and that practically confirms for you that this whole thing was, at least partially, for you. After all, none of you have ever had sex on the couch before. It’s been an unspoken boundary to decrease the odds that one of you walks in on the other because apparently none of you had ever realized how fucking hot that would be.

“So does this mean I’m not getting the double birthday sex I specifically requested day after tomorrow?”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I am actually not a DaveKat shipper. But I _am_ a DaveJade and JadeKat shipper and I felt the natural conclusion was a nice healthy triangle. And it's my fave girl's birthday! (So I uh,,, wrote a Dave-centric smutfic, I guess?)
> 
> Epilogues and Homestuck^2 DNI.


End file.
